All of me , misses all of you

2018 was the most brutal and heartbreaking year for my family and I. The most amazing dad and husband, was diagnosed with the deadliest cancer. Pancreatic cancer. My grandpa passed away, two days later. For 8 months of the year we spent hours, daily, trying to save our dad, my moms soulmate. Thousands of hours researching.... trying to save him . Trying to find ANYTHING... to give us more time. We contacted Germany , we contacted every hospital in America .... only to be told the same thing. The only thing that can be done is chemo to give him a little more time. We always asked the same question ....” is there a chance , he will beat this ?” Only to be told , “it’s not common my friend.” Our hearts were ripped out of our chests. We watched the most amazing selfless person, decline daily. We watched him scared to go to bed, not knowing if it was his last “goodnight, love you.” Everyday we woke up not knowing what the day would bring ... would he wake up with a fever ? Would he wake up delusional ? Would he wake up in so much pain, that it was unbearable? Or would he even wake up at all? When he would be in the hospital , we always wondered.... would he ever make it home ? To hear the words “ it’s just a matter of days” are the words that forever changed all of us. We watched him not only suffer for 8 months, but for the last few days of his life. He knew what was happening , and we were helpless. We watched our rock, the glue to our family take his last breath. So as I look back on 2018, I cringe, some days I just want to crawl in a hole. But what is most important is that while we were living in pure hell, we all still managed to smile and live life♥️Live everyday as your last , has a whole new meaning. None of us will ever be whole again. Appreciate your family. Never take one moment for granted. Because as they always say, “ you never know what tomorrow brings.”