Seven months....

So many things have happened since you’ve left. These past seven months have felt like a lifetime. I never realized how much I always ran to you. When I was upset, you always had the answer. When my check engine light came on you knew what to do. When things got tough you always pushed me forward. You always had faith in me, and always believed in me. You held me up. Everyone always says with time it will get easier. They are wrong. Things have gotten harder. At first it was the initial shock. Now it just hits me like a freight train. Before bed, during the night, in the morning. Because for some moment in time in each of my days, I forget your truly gone. So many times I’ve went to call you , and the reality hits again. The grief will never end. I will always hope that maybe I’m just in a nightmare, struggling to wake up from. I will awake, and I will sigh with relief that it was just a nightmare , right? I still talk to you all the time. Cry in the car, and at night, beg for you to come back. I feel your presence in everything I do. Even though this life has ripped any sense of faith from me, I still truly believe I will see you again some day. I dream of that moment all the time. I see myself jumping into your arms and not letting go for what seems like forever. I always wake up from that dream so happy but so sad at the same time. Truth is, I’ve had happy times since you’ve left. Laughter and fun times. What most people don’t know, is in each of those times. Your all that’s on my mind. I can almost hear your voice in the distance , joining in on my conversation or laughing along with me. I miss you dad. Life isn’t fair and wasn’t fair to you. You should be here.