World cancer day

So today started off emotional . Some mornings are harder than others. I couldn’t sleep for many reasons. #1 being, that this is a reality and I can’t do anything about it . So I got up, did some laundry, and some cleaning. Than I saw a picture of my dad and mom and lost it. How could this be ? Why did this happen? I just want to hug my dad one last time. Never mind that’s a lie. I want to make so many more memories with him, one more hug doesn’t cut it. I can’t though and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.

So anyways, at work today some guy asked me “ so do you know anything about boats?” I paused for a second and said , “do I know anything about boats? Hmm well I don’t think there’s much I don’t know about boats.” I was more than blessed to be raised boating, jet skiing , tubing , etc... So of course I went on to tell this guy all the amazing memories and things I was taught by my dad. I caught myself getting sad and mad because we can no longer make those memories.

Than it hit me, I am so blessed to have all these memories . Memories that most people will never get to experience. I realize that I am incredibly blessed, but it’s completely normal to feel all these emotions. How will I ever have a wedding , without my dad ? How will I ever buy my first home without him ? How will my kids, never get to meet the most amazing papa ever to be ? How do I go on without my dad?

Yeah all these feelings consume my thoughts daily, but what consumes my mind the most is what he is missing. He’s missing so much. He will miss my younger sister graduate high school, my older brother getting married, and myself graduating from college with an amazing degree. Why does he have to miss all these things. Why do all these other parents get the privilege to experience all these things with their children. It’s because their lucky .

There is no other explanation.

Life is cruel and beautiful all at the same time. If we get to experience many years of love, family, and happiness. Than we’re lucky. It’s the cold hard truth. We don’t know how long each of us have. What matters the most is what we do with the time that we have . That is one thing my dad did. He left no stone unturned. He loved and he loved deeply. He lived and he lived fully and passionately. He was the true definition of what it’s like to live life to the fullest and happy.

& for that is why I keep going .....